I had just turned 17 years-old and found myself reluctantly playing Truth or Dare. My short-term mission’s team was in an empty two-room building waiting for the next day when we would share scriptures with a group of local people. To pass the time, our 23-year-old team leader suggested the game now at hand, and I was shocked at the turn the questions had taken. The current thread was on how far one had “gone” with the opposite sex. When they discovered I had never come close to losing my virginity, my male leader mocked me. I was stunned! I was being mocked by a mission’s team leader because I was following God’s instructions for relationships. The importance of following God’s plan had apparently eluded him, let alone the sanity of sexual purity.
We live in a society where the concept of being a virgin until your wedding day is considered lunacy. Like there is something wrong with you if you have never engaged in pre-marital sex. Watch movies and television, look at the lives of people around you. It is apparent that virginity is not celebrated or treasured. Indeed, the teaching of purity (abstinence) has been forbidden in many schools. In addition, many parents have listened to the mantra that kids will be kids, so they vaccinate them against HPV rather than instruct them on lifestyle choices to avoid the virus that causes cervical cancer. The truth is that sexual purity is not something to take lightly.
There are few things in life that we can truly claim as our own. Sure, we receive gifts on special occasions and we work so that we can purchase items, but these things are obtained, we are not born with them. One very special thing we are born with is virginity. It is the gift we can give to our spouse upon marriage. Some people have this gift stolen from them due to rape, a heinous crime, and those who have it stolen know they lost something priceless. Others give the gift away to a boyfriend or girlfriend not considering the consequences of this decision. Perhaps they do contemplate what they are giving, but determine it is the only way to retain or gain the lasting love of their partner.
I want to pause right here and say that I am not bashing those who have done this. My intent is to push back against the lies of society and proclaim there is a better way. In a society where governmental and educational institutions mock the beauty of virginity until marriage, while exalting the concept of freedom of sexuality, I want to highlight the truth. There are damages that are brought to a life and a marriage when one or the other spouse has already given their most precious gift away. Conversely, there are blessings that a couple has when both are virgins as they come to the marriage bed.
Today, let’s look at the physical damages of sexual activity outside of marriage. I remember sitting in high school health class back in the 1980’s as sexual diseases were discussed and wondering why anyone would want to open themselves up to such risk. It seemed strange to me. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can make it difficult for a woman to conceive1 and can cause serious problems for her baby if she conceives while infected2,3. In addition, gonorrhea is increasingly difficult to treat due to drug-resistant strains3. Then there is Syphilis4, whose symptoms can disappear for years only to resurface in a deadly and disfiguring form. I have yet to mention the biggie, HIV. Once contracted, the infected person passes the disease(s) on to the one(s) they love – future partners, future spouse, and in some cases even their children.
I wonder how many young women engage in sexual activity in hopes of pleasing her boyfriend so that he will marry her, only to find him leave after a time. He got what he wanted and left her with a “gift” she hadn’t counted on. And then there is the young man in college or the military, taunted mercilessly by his comrades, he finally gives in to having sex with a prostitute or other loose young lady. Later on, when he finds the young woman he wants to spend his life with, he has to face her with all he has to offer. Not pleasant at all. That which should be a purely joyful and deep union is marred by the other “partner” in the relationship. And YET, virginity until marriage is considered unreasonable in our society.
The Center for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that 20% of the population has a sexually transmitted infection5 (STI), and in 2018 “almost half of new STIs were among youth aged 15 – 24 in the US”5. Under prevention, the CDC states that the only true prevention is abstinence and monogamy in marriage.6 In other words, be a virgin, marry a virgin and you are completely safe. You have the fun, relational depth and connection of sex without worry. What a win! This message needs to be taught, praised and proclaimed!
Do we care for the future of our children, nieces and nephews and grandchildren? If so, then we need to reject the lie that young people cannot control themselves sexually. They certainly can, but what motivation do they have to do so when they are treated as if they cannot? I am reminded of my father saying, regarding men who sowed their wild oats, “they act like dogs”, meaning without self-control. People are not animals who merely act out of instinct. We are human beings, able to choose and control our actions. Let’s choose to love those we are in relationship with now and those we will be in relationship with in the future by encouraging purity in our lives as well as in theirs, living out the belief in the sanity of sexual purity.
If you are reading this and thinking “I’ve blown it”, please don’t despair. You can choose this day to leave the trail of destruction and start living in a healthier manner. (Here is a link where you can find help in changing the direction you are headed: ChatAboutJesus – Helping you Know, Trust and Follow Jesus) As I said earlier, my intent is not to condemn, but to shine light on a societal lie and to speak truth. I hope I am speaking the truth in love, for that is my desire. In the Bible, we read how God laid out a plan for a man and a woman to marry for life. His plan is not unrealistic, it is possible, fulfilling and healthy. God’s guidelines are for our good and not for our harm. I believe this is one way His love for us is revealed.
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.” Titus 2:11-14 (ESV)7
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/general/default.htm, accessed 7/4/2023.
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/chlamydia.htm, accessed 7/4/2023
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/gonorrhea/stdfact-gonorrhea.htm, accessed 7/4/2023
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm, accessed 7/4/2023
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/saw/about.htm, accessed 7/4/2023
- https://www.cdc.gov/std/prevention/default.htm, accessed 7/4/2023
- English Standard Version Bible. © 2001 – 2023 Crossway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Titus+2&version=ESV
Additional article you may want to check out: Is There a Price to Pay for Promiscuity? – Longevity Center (everydayhealth.com)
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