“Mine!” “No, it’s mine!” “Give that to me!” “Don’t touch my stuff!” You don’t have to be around children very long before the roots of selfishness are revealed. Toddlers steal toys from one another accompanied by screams and tears of frustration from the ones who lost their toys. Selfishness is the bane of many parents and babysitters. “Me, myself and I” very well may be the single most negative trait found in humanity. Parents toil hard to remove this sinful attribute from their children, often by putting an emphasis on sharing.
As much as we may like to think that selfishness is a problem of the young, societal woes reveal the depth of the issue among adults. And then, a good look in the mirror brings it to a personal level. I am appalled at how frequently I catch myself wanting to place my desires before those of others, and a conscious decision is needed not to do so. I am reminded of the words of the apostle Paul in Romans 7:21 “I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.” (NASB 1995) Please don’t think I am saying that all people are only evil and purely selfish. What I am saying is that the seeds of self-centeredness are very much present in us. Another area this is revealed is in the phrases American culture uses to “encourage” people, such as “Look out for yourself because no one else will” and “Look out for number one.” The concept being that a person should fight for their place at the top so they don’t get trampled by others. Parents teach this concept to their children; friends encourage other friends to leave spouses based on this philosophy. If you think about it, these phrases are in direct contrast to a heart of love.
Two questions I have regarding self-focus are, “what is the heart motivation behind this?” and “what are the effects upon one’s self, those around us and society at large?” I fully realize there is no way to tackle all of this in one blog post. The topic is much too complex. Yet, we can begin delving in. From scripture we learn that the exertion of self-will began with Adam and Eve in the garden. God gave them one “do not” rule, but rather than accept what God said, they chose to listen to the temptation of the serpent who essentially said that God was withholding something good from them. Next, they let their personal desires overrule God’s word in their hearts, and they acted according to their own will. This first self-centered act changed all human history going forward. (If you would like to read this account for yourself, it is found in Genesis chapters 2 & 3.) Ever since, every person is born exerting their self-will. It is part of the sinful nature we are born with. As we discussed earlier, parents work hard to get this selfishness under control in their children. Despite this, it seems that elevation of self is still prevalent in many lives. Do you still struggle with selfishness? Let’s each take a moment to pause and look at our own hearts. What is behind your self-centeredness? What is behind mine?
People’s motivations for looking out for themselves may vary from person to person, but I suspect they are rooted in fear and simply wanting one’s own way. Let’s begin with fear. As you personally think about what fears could be involved, what comes to mind? Are any of them personal fears? Perhaps it is fear of being left behind in your career and thus never climbing the ladder. Maybe it is fear of being walked all over and taken advantage of, so you push others to avoid being pushed by them. Perhaps you are scared that ten years down the road things will be just the same as they are now.
I recall years ago when I lived overseas. Each winter I would join three lady friends for a short vacation. I was the youngest in the group and followed along with their plans. I seldom voiced a suggestion out of fear my idea would be rejected. These were wonderful women whom I respected, and I came to realize they would have gladly entertained my suggestions. I was just insecure. Later in life, I decided I was being a mouse and it was important to speak up and share my desires with others, otherwise, I would become resentful. However, voicing my desires soon moved to pushing for my way. What happened? Why had the pendulum swung this far? I was scared that if I didn’t push for what I wanted then I would never get it. Fear motivated by selfishness. Ouch!
Is selfishness always motivated by fear? I don’t believe so. I think it is as simple as wanting my own way. It is putting myself before others. It is being so focused on “me” that I don’t see the impact my actions are having on others. In extreme cases, a person may not even care that they are hurting someone else, so strong is their desire to satisfy themselves.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, laying down my own desires and looking to the welfare of others is part of my worship to the Lord. Philippians 2:3-4 puts it perfectly, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (ESV) These verses imply that pride can be behind exalting ourselves. When seeking that promotion, what if we were to look for the gifts in others who are trying for the same position, acknowledging their strengths as well as our own? In relationships with friends and family, rather than waiting to see what is in it for us, what if we were to look at situations through a heart of compassion and giving? Isn’t this what makes a relationship work well? When each person is looking out for the welfare of the other, each blesses the other person and is blessed in return. Removing self from the center of situations relieves stress, helps us understand the crux of the issues, and deepens relationships.
This may be a paradox in life, but when we give, we receive blessing. Go and be blessed!
Jesus, our example:
“who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking on the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.” (Philippians 2:6-7 NASB)
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