Have you ever been wronged by someone only to have others tell you that you must forgive the perpetrator, as if extending forgiveness wipes out the wrong done to you? How about being on the sidelines as two friends deal with the fallout of one having wronged the other?
Lately I have been struggling with how justice, forgiveness, and consequences fit together. I know that I am to forgive others just as God has forgiven me, yet, the Bible also speaks of justice and God being a just God. What is the intersection of justice and forgiveness, and how do consequences fit in? In considering this, my husband suggested I look at 2 Samuel chapter 13 in the Bible. Here is a family that suffered from a lack of both justice and forgiveness, and the consequences were abundant.
King David’s Family Tragedy
One of King David’s sons, Amnon, was in love with his half-sister Tamar. As he pined away like a love-sick puppy, his cousin recommended to Amnon that he pretend to be sick to get Tamar to his house. Finding this advice agreeable, Amnon set the plot in motion. Upon realizing her brother’s intent, Tamar begged him not to sin in such a manner, but he did not listen and raped her. As if this were not bad enough, he then had her thrown out of the house. This young lady was devastated and broken. Once a desirable virgin daughter of the king, she was now living a desolate life in her full-brother, Absalom’s, home. “Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry.” (2 Samuel 13:21 NASB)1 Two years later, Absalom killed Amnon for what he had done to their sister. If you keep reading, the tragedy continues. King David’s relationship with Absalom was never restored and Absalom eventually tried to overthrow his father’s throne, which led to Absalom’s death.
My heart breaks as I read this family’s story. A family lost two sons over a sin committed. Could the end of the story have been different had justice and forgiveness been exercised? King David was the one who had authority to discipline his son, Amnon, for his actions, yet all we read is that the king was very angry. Does anger equate to justice? No. By not dealing with the situation, King David essentially allowed Amnon to get away with his sin. In addition, Tamar was left in a place of disgrace. Her own father did not seek justice for her. Why didn’t he do this? Was it because he himself had committed sexual sin in his life and, therefore, did not feel qualified to hold his son accountable? Whatever the reason was, Absalom seemed to feel that it was up to him to right the situation.
What Amnon did was both a violation of Tamar’s person and a criminal act. This situation impacted not only the two of them, but the immediate families of both people involved and eventually the whole nation. It is a very sad situation. How could both justice and forgiveness have been applied within this family? Does forgiveness require justice or can it be extended without justice? And how might mercy fit in? Let’s start by looking at how Absalom handled the situation.
Absalom’s Choice
Absalom had a choice to make: avenge his sister or accept that justice was not going to take place and extend forgiveness to Amnon, not seeking revenge. Now, when I say extend forgiveness, I do not mean trust. Trust and forgiveness are two very different things. Trust is earned, forgiveness is given as a gift. And, in a situation where the perpetrator does not repent, relationship may not be able to be restored. Here, I believe, forgiveness is more of laying down your desire for revenge. Unfortunately, Absalom’s anger began to fester and revenge was fed.
Recently, I came across a Psychology Today1 article that does a good job of explaining the difference between revenge and justice. My understanding is that justice is rational and within the limits of the law. Revenge is mainly emotional and can be beyond the limits of the law. Justice is to right a situation, where revenge is to hurt the one who hurt you. It seems to me that Absalom crossed the line into revenge. His actions were emotional and went beyond the extent of the law. Had his father carried out justice to begin with, there is a chance Absalom would not have done this.
A Picture of Both Justice and Forgiveness
Every person on earth has sinned against God in action, thought and deed. He could have chosen the path of revenge and just annihilated us all. Instead, he chose the path of mercy. In the Bible, we learn how God pardons us from our wrongs (sins) against him. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NASB)1 God’s mercy toward us is shown by Jesus taking the punishment for our sins upon Himself (price paid for the sin committed = justice for sin) and simultaneously reaching out His hand toward us (forgiveness and mercy toward the perpetrators). This is the intersection of justice and forgiveness. Our individual acceptance of what Christ did for us means we are admitting we have sinned, that He paid the price for our sin, and we accept His forgiveness.
In the case of King David’s family, if Amnon had been disciplined for his behavior, would he have repented? Would Absalom have accepted that justice had been done? We will never know. Had these things transpired, the end of the story would have been very different. Certain consequences of the sin done would remain. Tamar would still no longer be a virgin. No amount of repentance on Amnon’s part would be able to change that. There would still be trust issues in the family, at least until Amnon’s future actions proved he was trustworthy. Despite these consequences, other aspects of the relationships would have been better, and two sons would probably have lived into old age.
The Take-Away
So, how are you and I to deal with being wronged? Here is my take-away: First, as the one wronged, remember mercy. Part of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples reads “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Mt. 6:12) This is an acknowledgement that we ourselves also do things of which we desire to be forgiven. Jesus has said we are to forgive “seventy times seven” times (Mt. 18:21-22). This is really the concept of forgiving innumerable times. In line with this, it is important that we guard our hearts against revenge. Revenge destroys. Pray for the person to repent and be ready to accept their repentance. Sometimes, this is the only justice needed. However, when someone does not repent and continues to be a danger to others, then the law may need to get involved for the sake of protecting people. In other situations, restitution is required, such as stolen items returned. This restitution is a line of evidence that the repentance is sincere and helps with rebuilding trust.
If I am the one who has done the sin, what is my responsibility? What can I do to “make it right?” There may be nothing you can do to “make it right.” Looking back at the example of King David’s family, there was nothing Amnon could have done to right the situation. He had taken something that could not be returned. However, there are definitely steps we can take toward restoration. The first step in repentance is acknowledging our actions and taking responsibility for them. This includes humbly walking through the discipline placed upon us. There may be consequences of the sin we need to work through, such as broken trust, repaying what was stolen, returning to finish the job we ran away from, raising the baby born out of our sexual sin, etc. Depending upon the infraction, it may take a day or years to work through the consequences.
May we all seek to walk humbly before God in mercy toward those who hurt us and in repentance when we hurt others.
“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
Luke 17:3-4 (NASB)
- New American Standard Bible. (1995). The Lockman Foundation. (1960)
- Don’t Confuse Revenge With Justice: Five Key Differences, Leon F Seltzer PhD, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201402/don-t-confuse-revenge-justice-five-key-differences accessed 11/15/2023
Articles from other authors on this topic:
The biblical need for justice and not just for forgiveness (p2c.com) https://p2c.com/students/articles/the-biblical-need-for-justice-and-not-just-for-forgiveness/
Forgiveness and Justice: Two Keys to Reconciliation – Fuller Studio https://fullerstudio.fuller.edu/forgiveness-and-justice-two-keys-to-reconciliation/
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