When we were young, we did not have much. With five children born in five years, my parents had their hands full and their pocketbooks stretched. As a matter of fact, most of my clothes, before the age of 12, came from bags that people brought to church, and let me tell you, it was an exciting day when those bags showed up. It was like Christmas! We would gather around Mommy as she pulled out the items and assessed them, eagerly awaiting a treasured find. (In all fairness, I cannot speak to how my brothers felt about this exercise, but my sister and I were hopeful for some good clothes.)
I remember one particular year when I was in need of sneakers for gym class at school. I think it was during second grade. Up until that year, I had one pair of shoes for school and these were shoes that could be worn with a dress or with slacks. This year, the gym teacher told me I could not participate in the activities until I had a pair of sneakers. I was devastated. Where was I supposed to find a pair of sneakers? My parents couldn’t afford to buy me a pair, so we waited. Knowing my mother, she was most likely asking God to provide sneakers for me. My recollection is that I only had to sit on the side-lines for a couple of weeks before a contractor bag of clothing showed up. As we dug through the bag what did we find but a pair of white, cloth sneakers! They were a little big on me, but they worked. I was able to join my class in activities again. Phew!
I don’t share this story looking for sympathy. (I bet many of you had similar childhoods.) In fact, I had a very blessed upbringing. While we didn’t have much in the physical sense of things, we were very rich in love and relationship. My parents loved one another and they loved their children. We worked hard and we played hard. I wouldn’t trade our lack of money for anything. I learned a lot growing up this way. My parents were careful with their words and attitudes not to make us feel poor or disgruntled about not having what others had. I share this story because my heart breaks for people today who think they need a certain financial standard of living in order to have children or for their children to be happy.
Most of my upbringing, my mother did not work outside the home. She did milk cows on our dairy farm, but her main focus was on raising us children. Once in school, I could not wait to get home. I knew mommy would be there with a snack for all of us and waiting to hear how our day went. I felt totally secure knowing she was there, and that daddy would come in when the work was done. It wasn’t money, clothes, games, movies or vacations that gave me security and happiness. I already mentioned where most of our clothes came from up until I entered junior high school. As for movies and vacations, they were rare indeed. I was secure in my parents’ love for one another and for me.
There was only one time period where I felt insecure as a child and that was when my father and a friend started a business downtown. Near disaster struck when the friend suddenly left. With two years remaining on the lease, my mother had to step in and work a few days a week, much to her dismay. This meant that we would get off the school bus to an empty house. It was awful. I missed her so much. To make matters worse, even though she told us we could call her at any time, there was one employee who would not tell my mother that we had called. I didn’t know this, so thought my mother chose not to return my calls. My mother didn’t have any clue this was going on and was really angry when she found out. I imagine that money may have been a little more free at this time, but I really don’t know. All I know is that it was not as good as it had been before. I am grateful that this season did not last long.
I realize that not all families have the option of one parent staying home, especially single-parent homes. The main issue on my mind is the source of security and happiness for children. It does not come from extra-curricular activities, being dressed in the latest fashions or having a large home. It comes from knowing that they are loved and the people in their home love one another. Wealth does not equal security. Love does!
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?… Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ … But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6: 25-26, 31, 33 (NASB 1995)
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